A Marriage Ends, A Story Continues

She stalked through the apartment, I don’t remember what frustrated her. I stood in the bedroom as she walked by and said “I’ve fallen out of love with everything, and that includes you.” And with that, she left me standing in the bedroom we’d shared for the six years we’d lived in that apartment. I stood there, shocked beyond words. And confused. I remember clearly that I was confused. I stood speechless, motionless. After I don’t know how long, I sat on the bed and cried. I remember trying to stay quiet so our kids wouldn’t hear me, but inside I let out a heartbroken wail. I finally fell asleep, physically and emotionally exhausted. She slept in the living room that night, and every night since.

I called her the next morning from work. I tried to rehearse what I was going to say, to lay out some series of words to articulate what I was thinking. The only thing I could think to say when she picked up the phone was “Is there hope?” There was a short pause. “No,” she answered. And with that, our nearly 10-year marriage ended. I could almost hear my heart break.

I spent the next few days crying uncontrollably and thinking about what went wrong. The list, not surprisingly after a great deal of thought, was long and went both ways. We both had been drifting apart for some time. She had told me for over a year that we were “losing our connection.” I disagreed at the time, understanding my occasional difficulty articulating my emotions. But she was right. In the grand scheme of things, we needed to separate while we could still be friends. I explained to friends and family that we weren’t ending our marriage to make anything better. We were ending it before things got worse.

It’s now been four months since that night. We’re still living together with our kids because with the world as it is, it’s better for everyone financially and emotionally to cohabitate. With the world and economy the way they are, we’re in a better position to be supportive of each other and our kids this way. She hasn’t filed for divorce yet, but we both know there’s no future for our marriage. It’s time for that chapter to end and another to begin.

A week after her announcement, I made a decision. I’d spent that time since coming to terms with my marriage ending, and needed a sense of closure. On a Sunday morning, I set out. I turned up Tom Petty on the radio and opened the sunroof. Such a beautiful day wouldn’t be ruined by what I would do this morning. Downtown was the first stop. One last trip down memory lane before I turned down a new path.

I wore two wedding rings during our marriage because my wife felt I needed an upgrade from the first, and they both meant a lot to me. They were tungsten carbide, inexpensive and heavy, but they were a symbol of a promise I made and kept. I wore one on each hand most of the time. But since my wife announced that our marriage was over, the rings weighed heavily on my hands. I needed a symbolic gesture to help bring closure.

I buried the first ring where we met, outside where I worked at the time. The flowerbed where we first said hello is its resting place now. I buried it deep enough that it should remain undisturbed for a long time. I lingered long enough to let a a memory bring a tear to my eye, then I left.

My other stop that morning was the park where we married, overlooking the mountains. Unlike the quick trip downtown, I took my time here. I looked around for a safe place, one that I knew would be undisturbed. I sat on a bench and let the memories flow. We self-officiated, with only my father and grandmother as witnesses. Afterward we went to our favorite pub, now long gone, for lunch. It was a happy day. In spite of myself, I smiled.

I wanted the ring to stay safe, but I needed it gone. I found an old tree and buried the ring under one of the roots. I buried it deep and carefully replaced the dirt on top of it. I stood up and again surveyed the park around me. It was a beautiful day, sunny with a few clouds and a nice breeze. I turned and walked back to my car.

And so I said goodbye to my marriage at the places where our relationship and marriage started, accepting that it was over and began planning for the future.